UCF’s Student Government has a new president, apparently.
Thomas Anderson, a junior business major with no prior SGA experience, declared late last night that he had won the student election, despite receiving precisely zero percent of the vote.
“Everyone knows that the MyUCF online voting system is rife with major voter fraud,” said Anderson. “You can’t trust it. I mean, how do we know USF students aren’t coming over here and casting false ballots, skewing the numbers?”
Opponents countered that not only was Anderson’s statement about online voting factually inaccurate, but that elections for the executive branch don’t even begin until late next semester.
“I want to thank the UCF student body for their tremendous support, and the thousands and thousands of people who voted for me tonight,” said Anderson, referencing absolutely no one we could identify.
In regards to criticism of his unprecedented “victory”, Anderson remains undeterred.
“The results have just been phenomenal. This is a very big moment for me and for Knight Nation.”