Dale Whittaker Resigns After Being Unable to Find A Parking Spot

Shocking news broke Tuesday afternoon after the sudden announcement of President Dale Whittaker’s resignation. The resignation letter, posted by the UCF President himself, sent shockwaves through the UCF community and the Orlando area.

Speculations arose after Whittaker was caught in the involvement over the Trevor Colbourn Hall scandal, in which millions of dollars were misdirected from faculty use, to the construction of a new building.

Many UCF students and journalists originally suspected the resignation was related to the scandal, but recent reports claim that Whittaker has resigned over a much bigger issue: Parking.

Reports state Whittaker “would spend hours searching for a parking spot on campus, sometimes giving up halfway through.”

Whittaker stated “they told me being the President of the University of Central Florida would be no easy task, but I didn’t imagine they were talking about parking my own car.”

The UCF President would go, as what students are calling “Garage hopping” while trying to make it to his office. Garage Hopping consists of attempting to park in one garage, giving up, then driving over to the next one in hopes of finding a spot. “It was awful,” Whittaker said. “How am I supposed to know about any corruption going on if I can’t even make it to my own office? And what did I buy a parking hangar for?”

The UCF president explained that he tried everything. “I tried using a Lime Bike, but everyone kept making fun of me, and then I tried walking, but I got hit by a golf cart so I ruled that out.” After less than a year in his position, the former president decided to resign.

“I was supposed to have my own parking space, but someone kept double parking in the space!”