FDA Declares UCF Spirit Splash “Easily the Grossest Thing, Like Ever”

As another UCF homecoming week comes to an end, another outbreak cholera rears its ugly head back into the student body. With UCF having more student husks than any other university in the U.S., the FDA has now has officially commented on the UCF tradition.

 

“We cannot believe that people would willingly get into that water. It is literally titled the reflection pond- dubbed for the effect of your life flashing before your eyes if you drink the water,” said commissioner Scott Gottlieb. “ It’s easily the grossest thing, like ever.”

 

Never before has the FDA released a statement on spirit splash. The Stallion conducted some investigative reporting of our own and found the former chairmen’s Ebay history. The former chair had made a whopping 1,200 dollars from selling the infamous ducks of spirit splash on his online webpage ALLYOURMEDICINEBELONGSTOUS.

 

The Stallion will go as far as stating that the former chair’s entrepreneurial background may have played a large role in why the FDA is just breaking silence now.

 

“Seriously, these students might as well just rub the bottoms of their calloused feet on each other’s faces.”



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