With summer ending, students have begun to trade in their swimsuits and towels for textbooks and anxiety. Although we have been doing this since we were children, some students just aren’t ready to dive back into school.
Senior Lance Kirk is just now feeling the consequences of his summer actions. “Maybe I should have worn SPF 50,”Kirk said.Kirk spent every day from 9 A.M. to 5 P.M. at the beach.
“The second I finished my last exam in May, you know where I went? The beach. And what did I do there? All sorts of things like fishing, swimming, satanic rituals, volleyball, you know, the usual beach activities,” Kirk said.
Lance is currently at home being treated by his mother for third degree burns all around his body.
“I had to buy the jumbo Aloe Vera bottle at Costco,” Lance’s mom, Nancy Kirk said, “Thank god I have a membership!”
A lot of students are sending their thoughts and prayers to Kirk, finding his story heartwarming and relatable, through the “like” feature on Facebook.
“I’ve gotten a sunburn before when I was 9 at Disney, it sucked; I totally get it.” commented Lance’s friend and current senior, Ross Nunez.
However, some students are showing a different feelings towards Lance. “I don’t get it, he’s never spent a day at the beach before this summer, he’s paler than Casper the Ghost. How stupid can he be,” former friend and junior, Rachel Barden said.
With his mother’s help, Lance has to take three Aloe Vera baths a day. “I really don’t mind,” said Nancy, “it’s like he’s a baby again. It makes it easier to get over the fact that my boy’s going to be graduating this year! The years really fly by.”
While Lance replied with “Shut up mom, you’re embarrassing me!”
In fear of ruining his perfect attendance record since preschool, Lance has been preparing himself for the first day of school. “I put my clothes in the freezer now every morning so I don’t have to feel the constant burning. The only problem is that after a few hours, I’m soaking wet. I really can’t win here!”
Fall semester applications are open! We are looking for students of all talents, especially writers!