Sunday afternoon, thousands of spectators gathered in front of Cinderella’s Castle rejoiced as Coach Scott Frost was officially crowned the newest Disney princess at Magic Kingdom. Sources say that the decision was made when the crystal football atop the National Championship trophy fit perfectly in the coach’s hands.
Frost’s crown, laden with peach-shaped gems, was presented by a pair of chirruping bluebirds immediately after the national title parade. The coronation ceremony was followed by an upbeat musical number, featuring four-part harmony, elaborate choreography, and a three-minute solo by Shaquem Griffin.
“We had to prepare an entire song in the hour before the parade,” said running back Adrian Killins. “But we’re UCFast and we’re UCFierce. SEC, they don’t have the speed to learn music like that, honestly.”
“After going from 0-12 to 13-0, I can’t think of a better way to finish our team’s Cinderella story,” said McKenzie Milton, UCF’s quarterback. “Seriously, we did everything perfectly and we still weren’t allowed to go to the ball…game.” Decked out in regal attire, Milton and his fellow Knights marched into Cinderella’s castle to partake in the gallantry and pageantry of the evening.
Of course, not every football team is happy with Frost’s coronation. Nick Saban and Kirby Smart, the head coaches for the University of Alabama and the University of Georgia respectively, publicly expressed their disdain for the ceremony. Their biggest complaint was that the pomp and circumstance pulled public attention from the accomplishments of their teams and the energy of their game on Monday night. Disney has since dubbed these coaches “honorary stepsisters.”
The wicked naysayers, however, haven’t made a dent in Athletic Director Danny White’s bright spirits. As the fairy godmother behind much of the magic of the Knight’s undefeated season, he insisted that both his claim to the National Championship and Frost’s claim to nobility are genuine. “Look, the country can say what they will about our team, but they should know that I will bibbidi-bobbidi-boop them into a 0-12 season just like that.” He then left the interview early in a horse-drawn carriage, saying that he had to be back home “before midnight.”
According to his wife, Frost will bring the crown and titles with him during his return to Nebraska, where a castle is currently being constructed to give him a royal welcome. Knights fans and Disney enthusiasts alike can look forward to Princess Frost and Duke Chinander dolls appearing on UCF bookstore shelves in the coming weeks.
It’s the beginning of a new semester which means that the application to join our team is open until Friday, January 12th. Applicants should expect an interview and be available for our first meeting of the semester on Saturday, January 20th.