How do you make it through the dog days of Summer? For Ryan Gorton, the answer is pretty simple.
Ever since he purchased Doodle, a nine-week-old golden retriever from the PetLand in the Waterford Lakes shopping center, Gorton says his dating life has been turned upside down.
“The whole reason I bought the dog was so I could add pictures of her to my Tinder account,” Gorton said. “I wasn’t getting many matches with my old profile, so I deleted the pictures of me fishing with my boys and my selfies, or as I like to call them, “brofies,” at the Rec and Wellness Center and replaced them with pictures of me and Doodle.”
Since revamping his Tinder profile Gorton has experienced an influx of matches. He says it’s a struggle trying to raise Doodle in secret in his dorm room while simultaneously being drowned by approximately two thirds of the female UCF population, but for him it’s worth it.
“I used to think you needed things like hobbies, a decent personality, good looks, and the ability to treat women like human beings to get a date, but nope. Turns out all you need is a small, adorable dog.”
Fellow freshman Amy Rivers is experiencing similar romantic success after her recent Tinder profile update, which involved deleting the wordy bio that outlined her personality and astrological sign, and replacing it with, ”Like 🍺. I don’t wait for 💏, I 🚙 all night to 🔍💖.” She also reshot all of her profile pictures from the bed of her new truck.
“I immediately matched with, like, a hundred guys,” Rivers claimed. “I have dates lined up every night for the next two months, which is great because I already spent all of my summer loan money and food is expensive.”
Despite their newfound “romantic” success, both students have experienced some unexpected drawbacks:
“Now I have to worry about Doodle and me getting kicked out of student housing at the Towers, and my phone won’t work anymore because everytime I turn it on, it freezes up from the new matches I’m getting,” Gorton complained.
Rivers has had similar trouble. “It’s really hard to find gas stations for this dumb truck. Plus most of the guys I’ve gone out with so far just want a ride.”
In an effort to play matchmaker our Stallion reporter offered to personally introduce Rivers and Gorton, who happen to share a major and a love of cooking. Gorton declined on the grounds that she was “only like a 7/10”, and Rivers declined on the grounds that Gorton is under 6’.