Relaunched UCF Huey Magoos Announces Actual Health Code Measures

Huey Magoos, an Orlando-based restaurant specializing in chicken tenders, has announced new “extreme” health code measures for its reopened UCF location. Magoos, which was shut down in January along with Asian Chao due to “nightmare” health code violations, recently reopened in the Student Union food court.

A Stallion reporter was bravely able to obtain a copy of the restaurant’s list of ingredients and employee handbook, finding some specific changes. The most shocking was a revision to their traditional Magoo’s secret sauce recipe to now include Purell hand sanitizer as an active ingredient. According to management, this should “capture that sharp flavor that everyone loves, while ensuring every bite of chicken is now 99.9% germ free.”

The newly reopened restaurant will also be making drastic changes to its chicken. Previously, live chickens were delivered and slaughtered on-site by Magoos student employees to fulfill their promise of “only using the freshest ingredients.” That practice will now end due to staff slipping on chicken juice and getting their gloves dirty.

“Traditionally, restaurants brag that their chickens are ‘Antibiotic-Free.” stated one Huey Magoos franchise owner, “Not here. In the interest of our customer’s health, we plan on only using chickens that are overflowing with the stuff. I mean, these birds basically don’t have any blood; it’s all antibiotics.”

The menu changes will go beyond just the chicken. Magoos announced that “in the interest of public health and safety, [their] french fries will now be made with only 100% real potatoes.” When asked to clarify what the fries were made with before, the company rep quickly changed the subject.

In a show of UCF communal solidarity, the Student Union’s Maintenance team and UCF’s Health Center provided Huey Magoos with tips on how to better maintain a clean working environment including the concept of actually owning cleaning supplies, refrigerating produce and raw meat, and in extreme cases mandating that customers provide records of avian flu vaccinations upon purchase.

Some students expressed disappointment after learning Magoos has also promised to keep chicken tenders in a freezer. This is a deviation from the previous practice of simply storing the uncooked meat in a dusty corner. “The big thrill of going to Huey Magoos was in literally playing Russian Roulette with your digestive system. Now that they are actually being sanitary I suppose I’ll have to get my gambling fix elsewhere. Do you know if 63’ South is open?”