UCF Student Solves the Trade War Instead of Studying for Physics Exam
Early Saturday morning, UCF sophomore Joseph Burton reportedly cleaned his entire apartment and remedied the mounting conflict between the United States and China instead of…
UCF
UCF Police to Become Actual Knights
The University of Central Florida’s police department will be undergoing major changes in the coming months. The newest initiative will outfit police officers in the…
UCF Welcomes First Coalition of Keyboard Warriors
In an increasingly divided political climate, students are taking political activism to heart. For many brave souls, this means canvassing for candidates they believe in,…
Sophomore Files Restraining Order After Accidentally Allowing Classmate to Follow Her Finsta
This past Tuesday, sophomore Patricia Adams was shocked to find that after just 2 weeks of making small talk with classmate Avery Hart, she had…
UCF Emo Population Drastically More Cheerful Thanks to New Panic! At the Disco Music
Following the release of two new Panic! At the Disco tracks along with a new tour and album release date, self-proclaimed members of the “emo…
More Than 50 Students Miss Lecture After Everyone Assumes the Door Is Locked
Earlier today, onlookers grew increasingly confused as the students of Dr. Philip Hanson’s 10:00 A.M. lecture lingered outside their classroom long after their class was…
UCF Dining Announces Meal Plan Lottery System for 2018-2019 Academic Year
After the huge success of UCF’s housing lottery for returning residents, UCF Dining announced early this morning that they will be implementing a lottery system…
“A Black Hole Ate My Homework, and My Roommate,” Says Astrophysics Student Building Homemade Particle Accelerator
Last week, junior Brendan Flores reported to his professor that a black hole had consumed his semester project for his Stellar Astrophysics class. He woke…
Under New Management: Aramark Has Purchased the Stallion
Our team has some exciting news. Yesterday, control of the Stallion was handed over to new ownership with the Aramark Corporation. This sale comes after…