UCF Emo Population Drastically More Cheerful Thanks to New Panic! At the Disco Music
Following the release of two new Panic! At the Disco tracks along with a new tour and album release date, self-proclaimed members of the “emo…
More Than 50 Students Miss Lecture After Everyone Assumes the Door Is Locked
Earlier today, onlookers grew increasingly confused as the students of Dr. Philip Hanson’s 10:00 A.M. lecture lingered outside their classroom long after their class was…
UCF Dining Announces Meal Plan Lottery System for 2018-2019 Academic Year
After the huge success of UCF’s housing lottery for returning residents, UCF Dining announced early this morning that they will be implementing a lottery system…
“A Black Hole Ate My Homework, and My Roommate,” Says Astrophysics Student Building Homemade Particle Accelerator
Last week, junior Brendan Flores reported to his professor that a black hole had consumed his semester project for his Stellar Astrophysics class. He woke…
Under New Management: Aramark Has Purchased the Stallion
Our team has some exciting news. Yesterday, control of the Stallion was handed over to new ownership with the Aramark Corporation. This sale comes after…
Professor Using Memes in His Lecture Clearly Trying His Best
With the widening generational gap of the smartphone era, professors in older age groups are having a harder time connecting with their students and earning…
Student Union Food Court to Be Replaced with John C. Hitt-Themed Amusement Park
For the entirety of the 2017-2018 academic year, UCF has been renovating the Student Union under a shady veil of secrecy, claiming that they’re building…
SVAD Freshmen Hire Struggling Full Sail Grads as Personal Assistants
In a major victory for recent graduates of Full Sail University, a new study has shown that the traditionally dismal employment rates for alumni of…
New Rosen Class is Just Riding Every Disney Ride
Students at UCF’s Rosen College of Hospitality Management will have a new course option starting in the Fall of 2018. HFT 4756, or “Attraction Experience…