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  • November 4, 2020 | Student Declares Self New SGA President, Because People Can Just Say Things Now I Guess
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Campus Life, News, Politics September 9, 2019

EXPOSE: Documents Reveal Disney Paid Off Hurricane Dorian to Avoid Orlando

In another great victory for American capitalism, media giant Disney flexed its cultural muscles and paid a lump sum of $6 million to the category…


Academic Life, News April 10, 2019

God Announces McGraw-Hill Connect Assignments “A Direct Ticket to Hell”

God has recently announced that professors who assign McGraw-Hill Connect homework “must answer for their crimes”. In a proclamation last week, God Themselves came down…


Campus Life, News April 3, 2019

UCF LARP club on Memory Mall practicing for inevitable apocalypse

The UCF LARP club has been using Memory Mall to prepare for the inevitable apocalypse, their president said. “C’mon man, we got Trump, global warming,…


Campus Life, News, Politics April 1, 2019

Millennial’s Answer to Health Insurance Involves A Lot of Buckets and Dancing

America’s health insurance industry has gone through a lot of ups and downs on its tax-deductible journey through the seven rings of hell. Millennials have…


Academic Life, Campus Life, News March 25, 2019

Review of Titanic at UCF: Freshman Theatre Major says “I Would’ve Been a Better Rose”

The Stallion was lucky enough to see a press showing of Theatre UCF’s Titanic, and we are happy to report that the experience was altogether…


Campus Life, News March 6, 2019

UCF Study Reveals Students Have Developed New ‘Golf Cart Sense’

A groundbreaking study from the University of Central Florida psychology department has revealed the existence of what some are calling humankind’s ‘real sixth sense’. As…


Campus Life, News, Politics March 4, 2019

UCF Board of Trustees to Hire Ghost of Al Capone as Next University President

In a not-so-surprising turn of events, the UCF Board of Trustees has hired the Ghost of Al Capone, a famous mobster and money launderer, to…


News, Politics February 27, 2019

Dale Whittaker Resigns After Being Unable to Find A Parking Spot

Shocking news broke Tuesday afternoon after the sudden announcement of President Dale Whittaker’s resignation. The resignation letter, posted by the UCF President himself, sent shockwaves…


Campus Life, News, Sports February 20, 2019

Knightro selected for Mars Rescue Space Team

UCF’s very own Knightro has been selected to be a part of an elite space recovery team tasked to find and rescue NASA’s Rover Opportunity….


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The Stallion is a University of Central Florida satirical news source. Completely independent and student-run.
The Stallion is in no way associated with University of Central Florida. All published content is meant solely for entertainment purposes.
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