UCF Emo Population Drastically More Cheerful Thanks to New Panic! At the Disco Music
Following the release of two new Panic! At the Disco tracks along with a new tour and album release date, self-proclaimed members of the “emo…
Campus Life
UCF Dining Announces Meal Plan Lottery System for 2018-2019 Academic Year
After the huge success of UCF’s housing lottery for returning residents, UCF Dining announced early this morning that they will be implementing a lottery system…
Student Union Food Court to Be Replaced with John C. Hitt-Themed Amusement Park
For the entirety of the 2017-2018 academic year, UCF has been renovating the Student Union under a shady veil of secrecy, claiming that they’re building…
UCF Switches to That Horrible 1-Ply Toilet Paper Due to New Paper Tariffs
In a seemingly triumphant moment for Florida’s beloved governor, Gov. Rick Scott signed off on new paper tariffs for the state of Florida on March…
Spring Break 2018: The Top 7 Highlights That Definitely Happened
Another spring break has ended, and in all the confusion of non-stop partying and/or relaxing, you may have missed some of the high points of…
America’s Next Industry Shark? This Student is Selling Scantrons Before His Midterm for $10
On Thursday morning, during a Principles of Microeconomics lecture with 300 students, many sat down to realize that they had forgotten the raspberry scantron for…
Presidential Search Committee to Select President Based on Kickboxing Match
Since the Presidential Search Committee narrowed the candidates to four, the elite all-male prospects have been training for the fight of their lives. On Friday,…
Police Storm Holi Celebration After Reports of Mysterious Airborne Powder
In the wake of last Wednesday’s Business Administration evacuation when a man with literally nothing better to do that day tossed a mysterious white powder…
“Plagiarism Will Not Be Tolerated,” Says Professor Taking Test Questions from Quizlet
A professor, who will remain anonymous, took the first few minutes of his ethics class last night to remind his students that plagiarism would not…