Lab Coat-Wearing Students Beg, “Please Stop Stealing Our Lunch Money”
A rush of recent lunch money thefts among lab-coat wearing students has led to widespread anger. Health sciences student Patrick Davis reports that a business…
Articles by Jake Howard
“Hawaii not a state”: ICE Agent Detains UCF Star Player
McKenzie Milton found fame as he took UCF through an undefeated season before his career was cut-off just short due to a devastating leg injury. Milton…
4 Easy Tricks to Avoid Eye Contact With Your Professor When They Are Asking About the Assigned Reading
4 Easy Tricks to Avoid Eye Contact With Your Professor When They Are Asking About the Assigned Reading. Oh no! You totally forgot to do…
Man Writing Equations on Glass Board in Library Might Actually be onto Something
If you’ve ever passed through the extensive floor plans of the John C. Hitt Library, you’ve probably been witness to education in the process. Scattered…
Eulogy for Stagger Inn UCF
Stagger Inn: you’ll truly be missed. I remember when they announced Stagger would be opening. It couldn’t have come at a better time. As a…
UCF Unaffected by Government Shutdown: Student Slaves aren’t Considered Federal Employees
Student Intern Eric Costello was hard at work filling the holes of the Park and Ride softball field. Despite his bucket hat- Eric’s face was…
UCF Spirit Animal “Knugget” Arrested for Tax Fraud
In an unprecedented turn of events, UCF’s favorite star is behind bars after reports surfaced that Knugget may have been involved in fraud. The IRS…
Crisis: Professor Speaks to Class About Her Accomplishments for the Entire Lecture
A professor of an introductory level course spent the first full class period of the semester explaining her wide array of qualifications and achievements to…
Philosophy Professor Recommends Students Get their Semi-Annual Existential Crisis Out of the Way Early This Year
With the beginning of every semester comes another opportunity to become increasingly bewildered by the current state of one’s life and the universe itself. But…