QUIZ: Is your Professor just 3 Kids in a Trench Coat?
We’ve all been there. You’re sitting in class, annoyed that your professor has no knowledge on the topic at hand, when you start to think:…
Articles by Jake Howard
Students Now Allowed Daily Prozac With Valid UCF ID
“Exam weeks and Xanax weeks often go hand in hand,” an official UCF email sent to the entire UCF student body stated. “But fear not…
UCF offers new Language Program: Rawr xD
Due to the miscalculated funds and money laundering associated with the new Trevor Colbourn Hall, the Department of Foreign Language was able to add a…
Lovebug Season Leads Area Couple to Another Argument On Intimacy
“Jesus f–king Christ they’re f**cking here again, ” a phrase used in its most literal sense by UCF student, Andres Pullos. The Orlando native entered…
UCF Athletics Introduces FastPass+ to Student Ticket Line
Following recent complaints from fans regarding the new ticketing system for football games, UCF Athletics, in partnership with Walt Disney World Resorts, has unveiled plans…
UCF Bookstore Announces ‘Happy Hour’ Initiative
After months of consistently dwindling sales, the UCF Bookstore announced last Thursday it would be introducing a new “Happy Hour.” Where between 11am-1pm they will…
Report: Roommate Seems to Really Be Going Through It
Sources have been speculating as to whether or not freshman Ashley Torres is going through, like, a thing right now. A newly-purchased box of red…
EXPOSE: Documents Reveal Disney Paid Off Hurricane Dorian to Avoid Orlando
In another great victory for American capitalism, media giant Disney flexed its cultural muscles and paid a lump sum of $6 million to the category…
God Announces McGraw-Hill Connect Assignments “A Direct Ticket to Hell”
God has recently announced that professors who assign McGraw-Hill Connect homework “must answer for their crimes”. In a proclamation last week, God Themselves came down…