Students Now Allowed Daily Prozac With Valid UCF ID

“Exam weeks and Xanax weeks often go hand in hand,” an official UCF email sent to the entire UCF student body stated. “But fear not for your pesky prescriptions at the pharmacy and pick up your daily Prozac at the student union with a valid student ID.”

This new policy was initially met with heavy criticism given a recent political discourse on the opioid epidemic. However, even the more politically active students were gladly taking the antidepressant after being in their echo-chambers too long led to chronic headaches.

Many question why the school doesn’t change policies to have a school life that doesn’t compromise the mental health of its students for them to be successful. To which UCF responded:

“We looked into other solutions to assist our students mentally: more qualified professors, a more robust clinic to support the largest student population in the country, and providing textbooks to ease financial trauma. However, free Prozac and dog days at CAPS were more along the lines of what we had budgeted for.”