God has recently announced that professors who assign McGraw-Hill Connect homework “must answer for their crimes”.
In a proclamation last week, God Themselves came down from the Kingdom of Heaven to announce a new mortal sin. At least, that’s the claim that disgruntled biology student Blake Hankerman is making.
“Listen… I’m not religious. You can ask any of my three reddit friends. But I can’t make this up — God spoke to me through the McGraw-Hill Connect website, and They want me to let everyone know: it’s a mortal sin.”
Hankerman claims that last week, while completing a last-minute assignment for Advanced Biodermatology for Large Mammals II, the McGraw-Hill website abruptly crashed. Upon reloading the page, Hankerman saw only a single line of text on the screen: “Those who assign this Mortal Work will know no peace in the eternal depths of Hell.” When he refreshed the page again, the message had disappeared.
“I swear to you, this is what I saw,” Hankerman insists. “Just because it was 2 a.m. and I haven’t slept in nine days doesn’t mean I, like, hallucinated it or anything.”
When asked for comment, Campus Faith & Ministries representative Karen Davidson merely shrugged. “God works in mysterious ways. Maybe They really did speak to this young man to spread the message. For what it’s worth, I don’t use McGraw-Hill Connect, but that’s because I think the internet is the work of the devil. I don’t even know what an email is.”
Others, like avowed McGraw-Hill Connect user Dr. Nicholas Jung, find the claim to be nonsense. “I’ve used this program in all of my classes for years. Not only is it efficient, but it also allows me to spend more time in my office on a Bosnian chess website.”
“You know how I know this really isn’t true?” Jung asks, sighing as a Bosnian opponent checkmates him. “It’s because we already live in hell.”