UCF LARP club on Memory Mall practicing for inevitable apocalypse

The UCF LARP club has been using Memory Mall to prepare for the inevitable apocalypse, their president said.

“C’mon man, we got Trump, global warming, Brexit,” said president Mark Tolken, president of the LARP club, “shits about to hit the fan. And when it does, we’re all going to be ready and melee weapon certified.”

For years at Memory Mall, members of the club would practice sword fighting in small groups. Now that a global epidemic seems more likely, Tolken said, they’ve converted the entire area to a warzone.

Tolken said the group has installed barricades, sandbag mounds and even catapults all over memory mall. The club runs training exercises with over 100 soldiers three times a week there.

“So if anything ever actually happens between diplomatic powers, it’s going to be nuclear war,” said Greg Patton, overseeing General and vice president of the LARP club. “Most civilizations will be reduced to ruble. Modern weapons are going to be rare. We need to be ready to fight without guns, just sticks and stones.”

The training that each soldier undergoes is grueling, Patton said.

“When the end of the world comes, it’s going to take most of us,” Patton said. “Survival rate is about one percent. We’re training each soldier, in essence, to be like a general.”

Soldiers training under the LARP club are put through a difficult test, but they’re proud to do it, said soldier and computer engineering major Carlton Troxil.

“I might be responsible for restoring humanity in the coming decades,” he said. “This training will help.”

Although the apocalypse hasn’t happened quite yet, Tolken said the LARP club will be humanity’s last hope when it does.

“We’re still trying to recruit the ROTC kids over here,” Tolken said. “You can never use too much artillery. Having them on our side might just win us this damned thing.”

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