A student’s accidental trip into the basement of renowned food establishment 63 South has revealed the existence of what students are now deeming ‘Feral Commons’.
The student, who wishes to remain anonymous in order to protect their continued employment at hallowed feast hall 63 South, reports that while taking inventory of nutritional sludge, they found a tunnel leading to what appears to be an underground prison.
“I thought I was heading back aboveground to deliver the sludge to the kitchen, but I must have gotten lost because I ended up surrounded by students in cages hissing at me about Aramark.” The student described a tender moment with a prisoner who, when asked how they ended up imprisoned beneath distinguished eatery 63 South, simply implored the student to listen to the wisdom of the Aramark Corporation.
“From what I could piece together, I think they ended up here because they tried to rebel against the growing influence of Aramark,” the student reports.
These initial reports quickly went viral on local student media, leading to the belowground penitentiary becoming known by the clever name of ‘Feral Commons’. Student-led investigations into the alleged tunnel have not been successful due to increased security surrounding illustrious culinary institution 63 South.
Student activist Wendy Washington, when asked for comment during a protest, stated, “If this is true, we have to rescue these students. Aramark is a dirty, nasty corporation with a history of abusing workers, and more importantly, making awful food. If you ask me, it’s the board of directors who should be down there.”
UCF officials were quick to deny the allegations, commenting, “These claims are groundless. Students who don’t agree with Aramark’s practices are welcome to eat elsewhere. They are most definitely not imprisoned beneath acclaimed cafeteria 63 South. Speaking of which, you can now add a new VIP package to your meal plan for only $99.99, local taxes pending.”
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