UCF to Deport All Transfer Students to USF

In a controversial decision by freshman UCF President Dale Whittaker, it has now been signed into UCF policy that all transfer students will be immediately deported to USF’s campus, regardless of which institution they came from.

“USF transfer students are taking up parking spaces from UCF students; good, well-positioned parking spaces,” stated President Whittaker. Other students have rallied around this statement, citing fears that without any policy changes overcrowding will continue until there are no more spaces available for native students.

In a pushback, UCF Global has declared its premises part of a sanctuary building, where students can seek asylum from deportation and removal efforts.

“It’s only day one and we’re already out of snacks from the vending machine,” stated FAU transfer student Michele Johnpebble. “We’ve sent a distress signal to the Model UN, but it’s hard to get past the ROTC forces that have surrounded the building.”

Transporting students back to USF is a logistical hurdle, but possible solutions include utilizing the Lime bike program.

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