CAPS Introduces New “Screaming Stations”

In an effort to promote healthy coping mechanisms and self-care among students dealing with school-related stress, UCF Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) has installed new “Screaming Stations” across campus.

These “Screaming Stations” which are large lidded containers, are intended for students to yell into anytime the pressures of college start to break their spirits. They can be found in key locations near the Student Union as well as on each floor of the John C. Hitt Library.

“We’ve run several studies over the past months to determine the most effective way of reducing stress in young adults. We found the best method across the board to be yelling with abandon into the void,” CAPS supervisor Claudia Padilla told the Stallion.

“Just really wailing into the cold abyss, without a care for who or what might hear you, turned out to greatly improve morale among all of our test subjects. With this new initiative, we hope to make the abyss more accessible to UCF students on a daily basis” said Padilla.

In addition to providing a convenient way for students to “cry helplessly into an uncaring emptiness,” Padilla also said that the stations have the added benefit of cutting costs for CAPS. “Most students come to us with similar issues anxiety over exams, feeling frustrated with their classes. The stations help by providing a one-size-fits-all way for students to deal with the soul-crushing realization that higher education is just another path to becoming a slave to society’s whims without tying up valuable counseling hours with our limited staff.”

However, CAPS representatives do caution students that they should not needlessly open the stations’ containers. If opened, they accidentally unleash the trapped woeful cries of angst back onto the world, that might disrupt nearby classes.