This past Tuesday, sophomore Patricia Adams was shocked to find that after just 2 weeks of making small talk with classmate Avery Hart, she had accidentally granted Hart permission to follow her finsta. Our reporters found Adams in the Student Union where, according to eyewitnesses, she fell abruptly to the floor. “I think I’m going to go into cardiac arrest,” said Adams as she was fanned by EMTs taking her blood pressure.
Our Stallion correspondent shortly found Hart on campus, where she stated, “I’m flattered that she trusts me so much. There’s a special connection you need to have with someone before you see pictures of them getting blasted at Taco Bell at 3:00 AM.”
“Finstas”, or fake instas, are Instagram accounts that have largely become a norm of the 21st century social media experience. They have become popular due to the desire to share personal content without alienating followers who are mere acquaintances, resulting in a phenomenon of people creating finstas to share their risqué content without consequence.
“I’m surprised she would let people follow her finsta after such a short time,” said witness Alec Waters. “I usually only give my friends the privilege of seeing my ugly snapchat selfies if they’ve known me for years and consequently have lost the capacity to judge me anymore.”
Our reporters also heard that near-death experiences, such as being stuck in a boring lecture for several hours a week, have also resulted in an uprising of finsta followers. “Getting trampled by the entirety of Sigma Apple Pie for the sake of plastic ducks was a trying time,” admitted Blanche Rivas. “Thankfully, I wasn’t alone. The trauma of Spirit Splash persists, and now that we’re connected through our finstas, we can overshare about our lives even when we’re apart.”
Others have more superficial reasons for creating a finsta. “I’ve dedicated my life to becoming an influencer and making my Instagram feed pastel pink,” said witness Yasmin Vasquez. “I can’t complain about my last hookup there. It would totally ruin the aesthetic I’ve cultivated for all 50 of my dedicated followers.”
Regardless of the reason for making a finsta in the first place, being allowed to follow one is considered by most to be a compliment. “It’s commonly perceived as an indirect way of telling you that you’re in their inner circle,” said Brandon Liverwurst, a Human Psychology research fellow at UCF’s College of Sciences. “My inner circle just so happens to be for Shaquille O’Neal memes.”
Adams was still dumbstruck for several hours after the incident and was escorted by UCFPD safely home, where she immediately filed a restraining order against Hart.