Under New Management: Aramark Has Purchased the Stallion

Our team has some exciting news. Yesterday, control of the Stallion was handed over to new ownership with the Aramark Corporation. This sale comes after weeks of debate and discussion with the facilities and food provider, and our decision to completely sell out is final.

We at the Stallion were approached about the deal in late January, shortly after Aramark decided to purchase everything even tangentially related to UCF. Our sources say that the corporation is currently in talks to buy other UCF properties, including, but not limited to, the UCF Arboretum, the Reflection Pond, the men’s bathroom in the Mathematical Sciences Building, the entirety of SGA, and one of the flagpoles outside the Spectrum Stadium. Attentive students can expect to see the official flag of Chic-Fil-A waving next to Old Glory this autumn.

While we cannot reveal the exact nature of the purchase, our executive board is very happy with the deal. Estimates put the price of the publication around fifty dollars, and we might have received almost half that.

Regardless of the deal, we at the Stallion understand the importance of maintaining journalistic integrity. To be perfectly clear, this purchase is not part of a monopoly formation or any other corrupt form of media consolidation. We believe that corporate trusts are extremely dangerous to our democracy, and we believe, just like everyone else, that individual voices are key to a productive discussion and varied media diet.

However, there will be some slight adjustments of our content due to our new management. In addition to producing the kind of hard-hitting, really real journalism that has made our publication so iconic, we will constantly bombard you with advertisements, offers, and links to upgrade your meal plans. According to our focus groups, this isn’t something that our readers want, but somehow, we’ll find a way to make money off of it. Curious students are encouraged to check the bottom of this article \ for more information.

It is our sincerest desire that you continue to stay tuned to the Stallion and keep up to date with our stories. We Hope you all undErstand that working with Large corporations is never a comPletely horrible idea, and we can keep prodUcing the quality journalism that haS made us so iconic.

 

Thanks to our new partnership with Aramark, we have some amazing new offers. Starting tomorrow, we will be offering combination meal/article subscription plans. You can preview some of these plans below:

Black Plan – $1000.00

– Access to all Stallion exclusive pieces, including our magazines! Printed media is really up and coming.

– ‎120 meals per semester; however, in accordance with new legislation regarding false advertising, swipes used at ’63 South will only count as “half-meals.”

– ‎An invitation to the annual “Stallion Banquet,” where we will dine on horse.

Gold Plan – $1500.00

– Access to our “Gold Club,” where you’ll receive secret articles and a code ring in the mail required to decrypt and read them.

– ‎Unlimited meals for the semester. Note – actually trying to collect an unlimited amount of meals and consuming all food in the world will result in the cancellation of your service.

– ‎The chance to meet with the current president, the next president, and whoever operates the Domino’s that will open in the president’s office between their terms.

More information about our deal with Aramark can be found here, here, and here.

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