A professor, who will remain anonymous, took the first few minutes of his ethics class last night to remind his students that plagiarism would not be tolerated. The tenured doctor of philosophy made his announcement despite his long history of crafting tests from questions found on the internet.
This academic integrity policy reminder was apparently prompted by the results of the professor’s midterm this past Wednesday; our sources in the class report that every student scored 100%. This event sparked the professor’s suspicions, even though the test was open note, open book, open internet, and on Webcourses without a time limit. In addition, the test was never locked, meaning most students were able to complete it several weeks ago.
Regardless of when they took the test, students were easily able to find all of its answers by typing the first six words of Question 1 into Google. Upon pressing the search button, they found every question and answer in the exact same order as the test under the first search result.
“This is ridiculous and immature,” said the professor in his diatribe last night. “You’re all adults, you should know better by now. It is completely unethical to steal work from anyone and pass it off as your own.” This reporter finds it important to say that the aforementioned Quizlet page was posted in 2013 by a professor at University of Washington.
While the professor’s tone was stern, he explained that, unless his suspicions were raised again by the next test, he would not be taking disciplinary action against any specific student. He assured the class that this was a learning experience, though many students believe he simply didn’t want to file hundreds of disciplinary reports.
“I think it’s all a test,” said junior Evan Cramer, who took the scolding as a greater lecture on the concept of theft. “If the questions are plagiarized…are we plagiarizing our answers from the professor? Or from Quizlet? If we’re stealing something that was stolen…is it even plagiarism anymore? Who made the ethical violation here? What a creative way to apply our knowledge.”
“This explains his 4.9 score on RateMyProfessor,” added classmate Daria Jackson. “I was wondering what it meant when I saw the tag, ‘Get A Few Wrong To Throw Him Off The Scent.’”
The Stallion was unable to secure an interview with the class’s professor. The last rumored sighting of him was the Memory Mall Starbucks, where multiple students report seeing him bent over his laptop, frantically reapplying tape over his webcam, and browsing Quizlet while wearing a ski mask.