On Sunday night, police responded to reports of a Citronaut sighting in the woods by the Student Union. Members of the Organization for the Research and Acquisition of Nonconfirmed Grapefruit-like Entities (ORANGE), were exploring the area north of the Union under cover of darkness.
According to reports, the searchers’ noses filled with a citrus smell which signaled the presence of the long-fallen mascot of years past.
“Once a month, we go trekking through the darkest and most secluded areas on campus to find the ancient Citronaut,” said the group’s president (and senior Anthropology major) Gary Irwin. “This is the closest we’ve ever gotten. I can’t wait to go home and tell my mom about this.”
Witnesses claim to have seen a giant bulbous shape lurking in the thick vegetation. They described it as an eight foot tall orange sphere with two little legs and two little arms. Its leaves were brown and drooping, most likely due to the recent overnight freezing temperatures. The creature reportedly ran away once students started pointing the flashlights from their cellphones into the foliage.
While a single grainy, out-of-focus photograph from 1984 remains the sole piece of photographic evidence of the creature’s existence, ORANGE claims to have documented further proof. The group claims to have found scatalogical evidence of the creature in the form of piles of orange pulp, as well as cyprus trees with patches of frayed bark littered with flecks of orange rind.
Though Sunday’s sighting marks a groundbreaking development in ORANGE’s ongoing search, the group warns students not to venture into the woods in search of the creature unprepared.
“Contrary to popular belief, the Citronaut is no docile being. If you approach it, it will attack,” said Irwin. “If you choose to mount an expedition, your entire party should be equipped with cans of powerful herbicide spray.”
However, whether or not the Citronaut truly exists remains a point of contention. “The odds of a species of orange developing sentience and crossing over to the animal kingdom are astronomically small,” said Peter Fitzgerald, a senior Biology major and president of Students Against Pseudoscience. “Really, I can’t see how anyone in their right mind could believe in this.”
ORANGE is currently planning to conduct its next expedition in the wooded area behind the Domino’s at Knights Plaza where it’s rumored that the Citronaut rummages through the dumpsters at night for sustenance.