President Hitt’s Office to be Converted into Fourth Campus Domino’s

With UCF President John C. Hitt vacating his campus office and no heir to the space yet named by the Presidential Search Committee, Aramark has taken advantage of the open real estate and announced the upcoming opening of yet another Domino’s.

Located on the top floor of Millican Hall, the new restaurant will be the fourth Domino’s on campus. Other locations of the pizza chain include the John T. Washington Center, Knight’s Plaza, and, according to legend, the darkest depths of the Student Union’s fourth floor.

“We like to think that this location will add a lot to the campus community,” said Steven Canes, spokesperson for Aramark. “We’ve heard the student body loud and clear – what they want is more Domino’s. In the absence of our Student Union location during the renovations, walking 5-7 minutes to the Breezeway or Knights Plaza locations just isn’t feasible for many students. Our goal is to have a Domino’s within a 3-minute walk of any student housing.”

“I’m really excited for this new addition to the campus,” said sophomore William Tathers. “It’s another great stride in UCF’s dedication toward more diverse and culturally significant food options on campus. Plus, if there’s one complaint I have about University Boulevard and the Orlando area in general, it’s that there just aren’t enough places to get pizza.”

Despite Aramark’s high hopes for an overwhelmingly positive reception from the student body, some knights have raised questions about the new location. As Millican Hall closes daily at 5:00 PM and does not have weekend hours, many have wondered how students will access the restaurant during typical dinner rush hours or on a Saturday night. To solve this, Aramark has offered a new “Platinum Dining” option, offering access to any building on campus at any hour for a $400 upcharge — per semester.

The fifteen named frontrunners to fill departing President Hitt’s shoes have been notified of the incoming Dominos in their potential future workspace. In addition to questions about the future of the university, their leadership style, and their priorities as the hypothetical new president, candidates must also respond to questions such as, “Do you understand that the smell of pizza may linger long after you leave the office?” and “In your opinion, does pineapple make for an acceptable pizza topping?”

The opening date of the new Domino’s is yet to be announced. Rumors say that Domino’s is hesitant to open the location until “Papa John” C. Hitt has entirely cut ties with the university.

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