UCF To Offer New “Flat Earth: Theory and Applications” Class in Fall 2018

Finally executing an idea he has wanted to pursue for his entire career, President John “Papa” C. Hitt has ensured UCF will begin offering a class very dear to his heart. The class in question is “Flat Earth: Theory and Applications,” or GEO 3310. Hitt claims that he himself is not a flat-earther, but insists that offering a flat earth class is central to values UCF holds so dearly.

“The decision regarding whether or not to offer [GEO 3310] was an easy one,” Hitt explained, “we want to make higher education available to everyone, even flat-earthers.” Hitt went on to tell our correspondent that the University can’t be biased in its approach to addressing divisive issues (including issues that divide the scientific community), especially when both sides have large groups of people supporting their claims.

While it may be upsetting for some people to see  an entity of higher education teaching a minority viewpoint they don’t agree with, university officials claim that it is not their job to weigh in on debates within the scientific community. The University’s stance is that when both sides of an issue have solid evidence to support their claims, they would appear irresponsible and biased if they just picked a side and taught that as truth. Sure, round-earthers may have “photographic evidence” but flat-earthers have their evidence too, like the Bedford Level Experiment.

The University is also taking steps to backpedal on its views about human-caused climate change and the relationship between vaccines and childhood autism. “We can’t just cherry pick which evidence we choose to present to our students,” Physics Department Chair Eduardo Mucciolo proclaimed. “If the evidence is out there, our students deserve to hear about it and make a decision for themselves. We’re trying to produce well-rounded (or flattened) adults who will make valuable contributions to the academic community.”

UCF has announced more long-term plans like eliminating required vaccinations for incoming students and offering more new classes such as “Applications of Faith Healing,” “Jet Fuel Combustion Physics,” and “Fundamentals of Eugenics.”