Publix Releases New “Extra Cruelty” Vegetables

Amid fiery allegations that Publix has become “an okay grocery store to shop at as a vegan,” the supermarket giant is releasing a new line of Extra Cruelty vegetables to keep their outlook on the controversial agenda ambiguous. Publix has announced that for each Extra Cruelty vegetable sold a farm animal will be killed and the body will be wasted.

The new program has become known as “the EC Initiative.” Publix CEO, Todd Jones, made the announcement last Saturday at a press conference from the Lakeland headquarters.The EC initiative was championed as an end to special treatment for vegan people and the start of a new era in the grocery shopping experience; it was met with raucous applause.

“Honestly, I just didn’t feel safe buying my groceries there anymore,” said local mother of an honor student, Colby Lindblad, “any time I was in the frozen food section buying food for my kid, these people would come at me with unwanted facts about factory farming and the mistreatment of farm animals!” Lindblad went on to state that she hopes the EC initiative will scare away these “veganic predators” and make her shopping experience feel safe again.

On Publix’s website, the EC initiative is advertised as “a progressive movement for equal treatment of all customers.” On the same page Publix notes the growing special treatment toward animal lovers without equal treatment for those who hate animals. Now those who want to “stick it to animals, vegans, or the Man” can do so equally.

The EC initiative has caused quite an uproar in the vegan community, but due to Publix’s “We Don’t Care About Anything Protesters Say” policy (that began in the early 2000’s), the vegans’ effort has been for naught. Jones stands behind his company’s efforts: “Surprisingly enough, the reaction to the Initiative has been 100% positive if you ignore all the protesters and people who don’t like it. I couldn’t be happier with the response we’ve received.”

Publix had a soft launch of the EC initiative to twelve stores on January 16, but plans to expand to all stores by March.

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