UCF IT Installs a Second Wi-Fi Router

If you’re one of those “geeks” who uses the internet on campus, rejoice! After an elaborate ribbon-cutting ceremony yesterday, the university’s technology services team installed an additional Wi-Fi router for its 66,000 students to share. The news should come as a relief to local tech enthusiasts, who have described UCF’s Wi-Fi as “less reliable than one-ply toilet paper made of recycled tabloids.”

According to Chief Technology Officer Robert Yanckello, the upgrade has been a long time coming. “After we spent so much money on rentable Commodore 64’s in Tech Commons, getting a new router took a huge bite out of our budget. Students are gonna love this boost, though. We’re literally doubling our upload speeds.”

“I’ve been looking forward to this improvement ever since the university hired me in 1999,” said IT veteran Julian Richards. “Now that we can expect downloads at 500 kilobits per second, we won’t have to worry about upgrading for a long time.” Richards seemed especially excited that UCF would now be “ready for Y2K.”

The first (and only) router for the university was installed in 1994, deep in the UCF Arboretum in a lead-walled room. The choice of this location has long been criticised by the many STEM majors throughout the years for its “complete lack of understanding about wireless signals.” UCF IT responded to the condemnation by promising to improve the new device’s efficiency. Inside sources say they planned to boost the signal by wrapping the router in a copper wire mesh, placing it behind a microwave in the CFE Arena, and pointing the antenna directly down. They ended up deciding to purchase a second router once the funds were located.

Already, students are starting to notice improvements in their web traffic. “Last year it took me forty minutes to log on to Webcourses,” said Janay Baxter, a film major in her second year. “Now it only takes thirty, and even the images download! Of course, I still need to upload my assignments a week in advance to make sure they get submitted on time, but, you know, baby steps.”

The news is only getting better, so stay connected in the coming weeks; UCF is revealing more campus improvements over the next month, including a fourth engineering building, a second football stadium, and its first ever adequately sized parking lot.

Last day to apply to join our team! Applicants should expect an interview and be available for our first meeting of the semester on Saturday, January 20th. 

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