The Real Reasons the Reflecting Pond is Empty

UCF Students are amiss regarding the seemingly permanent shutdown of the Reflecting Pond. This UCF landmark, host of graduation photos, Spirit Splash, and general philosophical collegiate introspection, has been turned off since Hurricane Irma with no scheduled date for reopening. Below is a list of valid reasons The Stallion staff has procured for the continued shut off:

 

  • Knightro had one too many midnight bubble baths and all his suds jammed up the pipes.
  • Rumor has it one of the engineering students couldn’t finish their boat for the boat race, so they sabotaged the whole thing rather than risk failing the course.
  • There was probably something seriously wrong with it. Maybe they needed to turn it off to fix it, but because bureaucracies take a while fixing things (and because it’s potentially a big issue) it can’t be fixed overnight.
  • A freshman’s “therapy” chihuahua got sucked up an intake pipe and broke the whole thing.
  • Hitt, in his last words to UCF administration, asked for the pond to be used to signal his replacement. Once selected a candidate will be voted on by UCF staff. If the pond sprays white foam it signifies the selection of a new President; if the candidate is denied the pond will flow with a black ichor.
  • The UCF Philosophy Department was hurting for students; those who wish to reflect should consider enrolling this spring!
  • Turns out the biodegradable SGA confetti isn’t actually as biodegradable as advertised. Also, it may not be confetti at all. Has anyone else noticed the squirrels disappearing lately?

We don’t know, maybe this has something to do with it?

Email us at thesaltystallion@gmail.com with any tips on what may be going on.

 

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