Knights Got Talent Now Allowing People with No Talent to Perform

In the year since the first annual “Knights Got Talent” competition, UCF’s Office of Student Involvement (OSI) has decided to revamp the format of the event. This time around, OSI has decided to make the competition more inclusive, allowing any student who wishes to participate. According to officials, this change is largely due to protests from the many students who alleged that last year’s event only included talented people, and was therefore “talentist.”

“There are just so many talent shows out there already,” explained Event Director Stacy Martinez. “Everyone’s obviously heard of America’s Got Talent, The Voice, American Idol, and American Ninja Warrior, and so many others. Everybody’s tired of watching people do amazing feats; us normal people can’t help feeling excluded. It’s about time that we honored UCF’s most mediocre!”

The event, now aptly named “Knights Not Talent,” is set to feature the least impressive talents campus has to offer. The promotional phrase used to market the event, “We’re on a mission to find the least talented person in America,” has drawn widespread attention from a student body that is eager to witness this showcase of second-rate skill.

“It really takes a lot of effort to avoid practicing and improving your skills,” commented senior Rachel Nguyen. “I’m glad the least dedicated of us finally have an opportunity to embrace and show off our severe lack of ability.”

Enthusiastic participant Patricia Moore told us, “It’s about time that the inept people out there got to show our stuff. Every day and night, we’re surrounded by talented starlets in life and in the media who are idolized and loved by all. I think we need to do right by future generations and show them all that no matter what society says, you can still be yourself, even if you happen to be a floundering dolt.”

Devin Westerfield, a sophomore at UCF, told our correspondent that he was running for the “Worst Attendance” category. “All my professors for the last year blasted me with emails to try out. I guess they’re still flabbergasted that I never attended any classes and miraculously pulled myself together to get all D’s – that means I’m on the Dean’s list for all the Deans, right? That’s how you do it?”

Freshman Raymond Black is another likely participant. “I’ve been approached by many of my close friends to try out for ‘Worst Longboarder on Campus.’ I know I’ve broken four bones from crashing into roughly thirty people so far this semester, so I think this is the perfect opportunity to showcase my mad skills on the big stage.”

The winner of Knights Not Talent will be granted the coveted title of “Least Talented,” allowing the winner to add thirteen characters to their resume.