Greek Row Declares Independence, Secedes from University

The Interfraternity Council, NPHC, PAN, and DGC have all joined together to form a coalition of Greek life students planning to secede from the University.

President of the IFC Scott Gooberstel said, “We are the totally legit University of Greek Organizations where we pride ourselves on brotherhood, sisterhood, academics, and philanthropy.” When asked about why he doesn’t value athletics he replied, “We already have our own league, bro. Any energy spent on athletic independence at this juncture would be wasteful and totally not a power move.”

An Alpha Xi Delta sister and fifth year psychology student with a minor in Human Communications, Ava Myers, approached us and with this to say: “We students are sick and tired of the social subjugation of the University, and its finally time that we stop being exploited. I’m tired of the University looking to us to provide the hype for their athletics, and then getting mad when we get a little too lit. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m on my way with my sisters to the Lily Pulitzer store in Winter Park, and it’s VERY urgent.”

Cassandra Higgins, a Zeta Phi Beta, reached out to us with specifics. “Our goal is an autonomous collective; it provides for an executive officer to be rotated once every three weeks, however any decision made by that officer must be voted on and debated by the remainder of the council in a weekly meeting that is also open to the general assembly. This assembly will have a peoples’ speaker on the larger supra-council to vote on issues as a representative of the general body. These decisions can then can be vetoed if the supra-council reconvenes within 3 days, which can then be completely overturned if anyone’s parents says so, on the condition that they are important or wealthy enough.”

“We are much more than a bunch of belligerent drinkers who sometimes raise some money for charity,” said one Sigma Chi, “With OFSL’s recent aggression toward the Gazoni family it is only a matter of time before the violence spills over into GDI territory- no longer will the Greek community stand idly by while the Geeds continue to run freely on the campus.” After hearing this a Phi Delt chimed in “I’m getting sick and tired of non-Greeks infiltrating SGA. I don’t care that we are only 5% of the school’s enrollment – it’s obvious that UCF is not for the Greeks anymore. We want our voice to be heard!”

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5 Comments on "Greek Row Declares Independence, Secedes from University"

  1. It was actually Ronald Reagan who said this.

  2. Can please clarify that the Phi Delt quote was from Jake Milich.

  3. You guys really went out and found the dumbest comments from ppl smh

  4. You should probably reread their article lol

  5. Why do you guys even care if it’s greek or not greek legit no one even cares. just do your own thing and live. what GDI or Geed? Y’all kids are brainwashed it makes y’all look so dumb

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