Going on for an amazing 363 days, 2 hours, and 55 minutes, Madison Ashley was found late Tuesday night still dancing from last years Knight-Thon. She was decked out in 2016 memorabilia with the sweat-faded letters FTK written across her forehead.
After a meeting among top UCF psychology staff it was quickly determined Madison Ashley must be stopped or risk permanent damage to both her body and mind. “I’ve never seen anything like it before, she just kept going,” remarked one undergraduate student. “I still see her dancing and hear her chanting, ‘For the kids! For the kids! as I drift off to sleep”
Onlookers watched as officers, paramedics, and contracted zookeepers approached the entranced girl from all angles attempting to coerce her into sitting down. One paramedic was met with a snarl after saying, “We’ve got Lulu Lemon pants for you.”
“Ok, ok no Lulu Lemon. How about Lily Pulitzer?” but Ashley simply two-stepped away from him. Others attempted to bait Ashley into calming down by setting up a big-little crafting stand and trigger her sorority instincts, but neither attempt seemed to be successful.
Madison Ashley was seen slowing down and panting as she circled the Reflection Pond. It was reported that in her final moves of the Running Man she was trying to quote American Revolutionary War patriot, Nathan Halem, but instead said: “my only regret is I have but like one life to dance for the kids.” Just afterword, she collapsed and EMT’s rushed to her aid.
Editor’s Note: While Knight-thon approaches us rapidly there is still time to donate to an organization or person you know who is participating. You can find a directory here to search for that group or person.
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