Socialist Stage SGA Coup, Attempt to Institute Bell Curve Grading

The University of Central Florida is in danger from the silent liberal agenda, and it has been for years. Now Student Government is planning to take action. According to a member: “Bell curves are the most horrendous thing to happen to UCF since the closing of Huey Magoo’s.”

Socialists at UCF this past month came into the spotlight by creating a fight club, but have been lurking in the shadows with their bell curves since UCF’s founding in 1963. Since the spotlight, however, this group’s nefarious practices have gotten more notoriety. Specifically their grade-redistribution, a system mirroring that of Scandinavian countries, has come under scrutiny. This bell curve system unfairly redistributes grades, covering up the poor work ethic of lower performing students and giving them hand out grades they don’t deserve.

Many students have stepped out to rally behind the curve. Popular battle cries from the socialist student movement include:

  • “No student who studies more than 40 hours per week should be earning failing grades!”
  • “The top 1% of students should not earn higher grades than the 99%!”
  • “We do not need to change the grading structure at UCF, it would usher in an upper-grade oligarchy”

The students supporting the Socialist cause argue that, if they curve was removed, UCF’s educational foundation would be reduced to “Crony Academia.” This flawed structure claims that forming study groups and attending professors’ office hours entitles students to higher grades.

Nancy Woodward, a prominent College Republican, was interviewed on the topic. “I think these curves need to go. I haven’t needed any special grade inflation. My grades are great without the damn curve.” We wanted to inquire further, but she had to get to her private tutoring session.

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